Pill-addicted President Trump goes off the rails

“Saturday Night Live” kicked off this weekend’s episode with a sketch showing a pill-addled President Donald Trump holding an anything-goes press conference on Air Force One.

In the sketch, press secretary Karoline Leavitt (played by Ashley Padilla) prepared for chaos as she told reporters, “I know you have questions for the president, but it’s too late, he’s exhausted. His brain is all over the place. So, unfortunately, he can’t wait to talk to you.”

“SNL’s” resident POTUS impersonator, James Austin Johnson, stuck his head out from behind the curtains and announced, “I’m ready to talk, and you know, this is exciting. I took an Ambien and an Adderall tonight, so we’ll see which one wins.”

“Karoline Leavitt is so cool. We love her. Oh, she has a beautiful face and those lips that won’t quit,” Johnson fawned as the camera focused on Padilla’s face. “It’s quite surprising that I can just openly sympathize with my young blonde subordinate.”

SNL

“Can we get a close-up? People need to see this. Look at those lips,” the president said. “They go ‘bop, bop, bop’ like a machine gun. She liked it because I’m very nice to women.”

But just a moment later, Johnson pointed to CNN’s Kaitlan Collins and said, “Yes, you have a question, you horrible, nasty bitch.”

“Yeah, we’re doing pirates now. Argh!” Trump said, before releasing a “declassified video” of a suspected drug trafficker being run over while flying through the sky on a reindeer sleigh.

“Was it Santa Claus?” asked a bewildered journalist.

“Not anymore,” Trump smiled.

Next on the agenda were the recently released photos of Jeffrey Epstein’s estate, which included the president.

SNL

“Look, the fact is that these photos are fake news. A Democratic hoax,” he rejected.

“Even the picture of a plate of condoms with your face and the text that says ‘I’m huge’?” the journalist pressed.

I can’t pass up the opportunity to brag, “They’re 100% legit. I love those files. I’m in the files! I took a lot of great pictures.”

At that moment, Leavitt de Padilla knew it was time to wrap things up, but the supposed president had to say one last word.

“I have to start my self-care ritual before bed by putting a bandage on my hand and covering it with makeup, then adding more layers of bandage and makeup,” she explained. “It’s a medical lasagna. Mamma mia!”

“We should all be very worried about my health, I am very sick, so I will brush my teeth before I fall asleep and dream about Karoline’s mouth.”

See the full sketch here:

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